Take Turns

A first email is not an appropriate platform for you to ramble endlessly about yourself and your life. Even though you know (or hope) the other person would like to get to know you more, too much information all at once can be overwhelming. Keep the personal anecdotes to a minimum - one or less for the first email. Yes, they want to know more about you. No, they don’t want to know it all in one email.

 Alternate talking about yourself and asking questions to find out more about the person you are getting to know. Especially if you are the who writes the first email between you, alternately asking questions and providing information of your own will start the relationship off with a sense of openness and curiosity that will help the communication continue on the same way in the future. It also shows that you have good manners. Even though you are not speaking verbally, it is still possible for people to pick up on the subtleties of what you write.

 Writing endlessly about yourself tells people that they will never get a word in edgewise because you will monopolize the conversation and are a bad listener.  Taking turns asking for and giving information tells your partner that you care about what they have to say and that you are genuinely interested in learning more about them. 

 When you ask questions about your new partner, don’t write them in a list format. Instead, ask a question and then find something about yourself to relate to it. “I remember reading that you love horses. Have you ever owned any? I used to ride every summer at camp when I was younger.”  Be careful not to sound like a clone, or worse yet, a stalker. However, it is ok to point out a similarity or connection that you both have between you.

Finally

 An initial email doesn’t have to be very long, about a page in length will do. You don’t want to overwhelm your crush with questions or inundate them with information either. One trick to get people to open up about themselves is to ask for advice. Take a look at their profile again and find out what they feel they are good at. Then, ask them advice about it. For example, for a guy who is into foreign cars, you might want to ask their opinion on which would win a race – a Ferrari or a Porsche. For a girl who is into country music, ask whether or not they think there is too much of a pop-related culture in the country scene these days.

 Use this technique only once in the initial email and be careful not to overuse it in subsequent emails. It’s strictly to be used as a springboard into conversation and shouldn’t become the focus of your email. You also don’t want to sound false or overly flattering, so keep it short. Maybe add it as a brief post-script. Chances are, they’ll love that you asked and will take the opportunity to try and impress you with their vast knowledge of all things related to the subject.